ALBUM STORY
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In Feb 2020 I flew back to Austin after a year in Melbourne. My timing proved fortuitous, as two weeks later Australia started shutting shop and Melbourne earning its infamous slogan - World’s Most Locked Down City. Austin was not without the effects of covid either; it was a comparative ghost town to the Live Music Capital of the World a year earlier.
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Life seemed to be slowing down everywhere, and people the world over softening into a state of reflection, seemingly more conscious of mortality than the inherit dollar-chasing rat race.
The covid stats rolled in daily and I was particularly taken by the death of American songwriting legend John Prine. I hadn’t previously heard of him, but the footage of him across the decades had me coming back to one thought, that a life filled with music, and music now left behind, was a life well spent. I was also deeply charmed by the clean simplicity of his songwriting, which had me quietly picking my guitar, daring once again to loosely marry chords and melodies to lyrical ideas.
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It had been over ten years since I’d released an album, and now back on the writing horse I seemed to be in Karate Kid state, where years of waxing on and off playing covers gave me a sense that I knew what I was actually doing.
The first song I wrote, John Prine-ish in its simplicity, was a comedy song about my mate Carl’s dog, Molly. The song was positively ridiculous, but melodically good, so I adapted it into a more serious song called Love Isn’t Enough. Although it wouldn’t make the next album cut, being a little on the hilly side of hillbilly, it was a welcomed catalyst.
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The flow began, and in line with Benny Andersson’s theory (ABBA) that early songs in a writing phase are like the initial rusty water from an old tap, my writing was becoming clearer and more fluent as I pushed forward. Another theory I’d recently heard on a podcast, that had me generally more focused, was that songwriting is, simply, work - that although lavender candles and burning sticks are all very nice, the greatest thing a writer can do is sit their arse in the chair and get on with it (cue Sir Billy Connolly) / chase light until an idea grows brighter / expands / further reveals itself. Even if I sat there and achieved nothing, I would be closer to something than if I did nothing.
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I was also writing without the single greatest killer of creativity - self-consciousness. As a writer of story and song, I’d too often felt like a B-lister at an A-lister’s party, worrying this way and that, but I seemed to have shaken this, quite likely thanks to Stephen King, who in his book On Writing advises to write the first draft with the door closed (for the writer’s eyes / ears only), and, if any good, to edit with the door open for the world to see. Moreover, my songwriting toolbox, decades in the making and unique to me, was in its best shape to date. I seemed to know with confidence what tool to use to push a seedling into a tree, and, perhaps cooly, I couldn’t give the first fuck if I fell into the category of uncool.
Some days in the writing chair lead to donuts, but others, beyond Donut Valley, lead to my best ideas to date. Some songs, never to be heard by this world, were merely exercises in writing, but thanks to these steppingstones the tap water was truly clearing and I was soon finding the likes of Carry On, Our Love Is Water From A Different Well and I Hate How Much I Love You.
5 songs became 10, 10 became 20, 20 became 30 and more. I was finally learning that songwriting, in its simplest description, is an audio meditation, a process of deep listening and that the primary job of the writer is to simply get out of the way.
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Like John Prine and countless others gone to glory, I was treating this album as my life’s work, my greatest effort at a legacy, and, with covid-induced appreciation for mortality, potentially my final offering.
Each song was rough-demoed as it was written, which proved to be Obsession Point A, and after choosing which songs would make the final album cut eventually followed Obsession Point B, the Herculean task of re-recording studio quality versions as the only player, i.e., little old me re-recording (and often rekeying and re-tempoing) all electric guitars (thrice due to technical error), acoustic guitars, bass guitars, lead vocals, backing vocals, newbie xylophone.. and learning all drum programming on the fly, a task which took me from Austin to Florida and back. It had been a painfully lonely endeavour and by the time all the final tracking was wrapped I’d decided that this here puppy should be mixed by the ears of fresh men, cue Ron D'Argenio and Charlie Richards of Hoodoo Studio, Austin.
It was a great relief to hand the album over, and employ the objectivity of other minds, but the mixing job, one of their biggest to date, spanned across the full American summer of 2022, throughout which I hovered at their patient shoulders like a buzzard.
And so here it is, Wide Awake In The Dream, my most all or nothing album to date.
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LYRICS
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ADDICTED TO YOU
Gliding comfortably
Myself, I and me
Her diamond caught my eye
Thunder roared inside
Heart rate it went up
Footsteps they sped up
Together we collide
Now well and truly I’m…
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Chorus –
Addicted to You
Addicted to You
Addicted to You
Addicted to You
I stagger joyful steps
Floating on a prayer
I pledge no regret
Just wish I could forget
Dizzy in the dance
Obsession spins romance
I’ll quit you soon you’ll find
Til then it seems that I’m…
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Chorus reprise –
It’s time that I go clean
Unhook from this machine
If I had a crystal ball
I’d throw it at the wall
Purgatory’s end
Gone to glory friend
Dark reverts to light
Thank god no longer I’m…
Chorus reprise –
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CAN'T MASK A HEART
Go on rip the mask away
Coz underneath is a 3D face
That just wants to bite the rain
And eat a hole in the day
Tell me “what’s the time tonight?”
What difference is there dark or light?
When we’re locked up out of sight
Pawns in a global fight
Chorus –
Tear down the walls of the prison that holds you
Tear up the paper that weighs on your name
Rattle the cage of a locked up tomorrow
They can’t mask a heart going up in flame
Kick in the TV of decay
That carves the lines into your face
It’s all synthetic rays
Taxing your soul all day
Coz the world revolves outside
Keeping promise of day and night
Seize the moment amongst the dust
Before it has blown away
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Chorus reprise –
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A decade younger by the day each year
You’re not alone, you’re never even not here
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Chorus reprise –
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CARRY ON
Stars sparkle in morse code
Invitations all in glow
A million lights long to take our hand
Like comets twist and twirl for love
We spin in sparks, wrapped in us
But love burns up drifting towards the sun
Chorus –
Though I’m not sure I’ll make it without you
Cannot say I will if I try to
I’ll carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on
A waterfall in a single tear
Eden’s waters tumbling through the years
Veins withdrawing from God’s own lust and love
Up and on and out to sea
There’s no drug like a remedy
Imagination resets the stars for free
Chorus reprise –
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Guitar solo
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Chorus reprise –
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Carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on
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Chorus reprise –
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Chorus extension –
Though we’re freer speeding than braking
On our highway of dreaming and waking
We’ll carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on
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Carry on, carry on, carry on, carry on
BE WHO WE ARE
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Why we ask must we be?
Taken by this love
Seduction leads to fantasy
Water thins to blood
Maybe they won’t love me if I don’t
Play by the rules in the way they know
Maybe I’ll tune to the God within
And maybe you and I
Chorus –
Could be who we are
Maybe it’s easier
Maybe it’s easier to flow
And be who we are
Maybe it’s easier
Maybe it’s easier to flow
Why, we ask, must we be?
Folded in a bud
All in the name of sanctity
All in the hope of love
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Maybe I won’t love you if you don’t
Play by the rules in the way I know
Maybe you’ll tune to the God within
Then maybe you and I
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Chorus reprise –
Rob me raw, raw..
Rob me raw, raw..
If the only one language is the heart
And the only one creed is that of love
If the only one caste is humanity
And karma the only law
Then there’s more to the stars than infinity
More on the wind than a steady breeze
The centermost voice of complexity
Screams for you and I
Chorus –
To be who we are
Maybe it’s easier
Maybe it’s easier to flow
And be who we are
Maybe it’s easier
Maybe it’s easier to flow
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To flow
To flow
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THROWING CLOTHES
The open road on fire
Fills me with desire
Eyes wide, I can see
A world of possibilities
Like a single minded tiger
Pacing wide and wider
Who’d love to know but hate to feel
Everyday behind the wheel
Chorus –
Crawl into the air
On a road to anywhere
We ain’t throwing clothes around the room
We’re throwing clothes around our head
Crawl into the air
On a road to anywhere
We ain’t throwing clothes around the room
We’re throwing clothes around our head
The ground is all too grounding
Temples often pounding
Sunlight wakes the daydream
When you fall asleep below the knees
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In a vain attempt to survive
And know the waters we dive
To stay afloat with a burning tail
Touch the gold and never fail
Chorus reprise –
Perhaps we love the running
The going and the coming
The living fast, living lean
Dying slow hopefully
If a smile could stop grinning
The skeleton stop thinning
We’d untie our hands at the seam
Shed our skin and shred our feet
Chorus reprise –
Every day is a day you choose
Every day is a day you cruise
Every day is a day you bruise
Every day is a day you lose
Every day is a day you choose
Every day is a day you cruise
Every day is a day you bruise
Every day is a day you lose
Every day is a day you lose
Every day is a day you lose
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IT'S IN THE WIND THAT WE RUN AWAY
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So, so it seems that the path we skate
Is like a circle most everyday
Round and round time to kick the gate
Ease, there’s an ease jumping from your knees
Start the score now you have left the floor
Taking flight or taking on the night (the night)
Turn and turning in the face of
The breaking mirror we run away from
Scale the breeze and scale the mountain
Climb the trees and climb the fountain
Past the cloud flaming in blue
Daylight burns for you
Chorus –
It’s in the wind that we run away
It’s in the wind that we run away
It’s in the wind that we run away
It’s in the wind that we run away
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Grip, grip the key to your new heart beat
It makes you taller when you want it all
Trust your feet if you can trust the heat
Miles, a thousand miles in a single step
Starting now it’ll never end
The only walls are in our head (our head)
Turn and turning in the face of
The breaking mirror we run away from
Scale the breeze and scale the mountain
Climb the trees and climb the fountain
Past the cloud flaming in blue
Daylight burns for you
Chorus –
It’s in the wind that we run away (run away)
It’s in the wind that we run away (run away)
It’s in the wind that we run away (run away)
It’s in the wind that we run away (run away)
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Chorus reprise –
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Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
Chorus reprise –
Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
Again, again, again (run away)
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OUR LOVE IS WATER FROM A DIFFERENT WELL
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I met then a girl
Dripping in truth
Her eyes were like doorways
To love-flooded rooms
But when she dives in my eyes
Mine say what I try to hide
Chorus –
Darling I know you love me
And know I love you too
But I can’t lay in fields with you
My hand is in another’s
And although you know me well
Our love is water from a different well
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I know now a girl
Tangled in me
Fused by this fate
We’re curled like a tree
My heart it spins like a top
And lands in the same old spot
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Chorus reprise –
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The truth like a crystalline
Never ends, never leaves
Sometimes a distance ray
Sometimes it’s every day
I run from it, then run back
To face myself, white and black
I long for red, long for blue
Adrift on the raft of the…
You that I knew
Gone on the breeze
Lips were like hallways
To red memories
It’s clear where the end begun
When three tears the two in one
Chorus –
Darling I know you love me
And know I love you too
But I can’t lay in fields with you
My hand is in another’s
And although you know me well
Our love is water from a different well
Our love is water from a different well
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A different well
A different well
A different well
A different well
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EXEMPT FROM GRAVITY
Hey let’s talk before we shout
Untie the knot and breathe it out
If not we’re headed south
I don’t want this
Nor do you
Why would you?
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Chorus –
Can’t you see you’re fighting with yourself?
Punching those around the room
In the mirror is the enemy
Exempt from gravity
Point away your loaded gun
You got the wrong man, the wrong one
Volcanic eruption
You don’t want this
Or do you?
Why would you?
Chorus reprise –
One by one they all clear out
It’s the usual self-made drought
Now you’re armed with extra clout
They don’t want this
Nor do you
Why would you?
Chorus reprise –
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SENSITIVE
I’ll start with the story of long ago
When we met and we could sleep on stones
When our words would fly and we’d happily hitch a ride
Now you say you can’t say a thing to me
You just did, can’t you hear that I can see?
I’m just a man and inside he is a little child
Short chorus –
Whoa... why you gotta be this way?
I no longer understand a thing you say
Did you say what I thought I felt you said?
Has my education been erased?
I fret between the lines most everyday
I could stand here all night and scratch my head
And try to make sense of what you said
But I guess my hair was grown for ripping out
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Long chorus –
Whoa… why you gotta be this way?
I no longer understand a thing you say
Whoa… why you gotta be, gotta be this way?
I no longer understand a thing you say
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How about you and I make a pact?
You don’t speak then I won’t react
We got skin as thin as a skeleton today
I look in the mirror and question me
Oh is it he? Or is it she?
It’s time for tea and we’re in the trees again
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My mother loves me through and through
My father he does he does too!
But I’m not immune to those little flying knives
I duck, I dive, I block my ears
I fill myself with rum and beer
But my jaw is sleeping on the floor again tonight
Long chorus reprise –
Chorus extension –
When you say, “why you so sensitive?” (why you so?)
“Why you so sensitive?” (why you so?)
“Why you so sensitive today?”
“Why you so sensitive?” (why you so?)
“Why you so sensitive?” (why you so?)
“Why you so sensitive today?”
"Why you so?"
"Why you so?"
"Why you so?"
"Why you so?"
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COLOUR THE SKY
A bleeding sky it makes me wonder (makes me wonder)
Why a dreamer dreams and a doer plunders (doer plunders)
If I duck and run into the sun
Like a rabbit bouncing from the gun
Will I find you?
Short chorus –
Desert to the ocean
Combing all emotion
Chasing rain while hunting thunder (hunting thunder)
If I drive too hard I’ll be torn asunder (torn asunder)
A thousand days, a thousand nights
A thousand twists of a hundred skies
Is where I’ll find you
Long chorus –
Desert to the ocean
Combing all emotion
Why are we here, if not to, not to, not to colour the sky?
Why are we here if not to colour the sky?
Sifting dirt it makes me wonder (makes me wonder)
If I dig too deep will I be pulled under? (be pulled under)
If I do not lock you in my head
My heart, I know, it will forget
Where to find you
Long chorus reprise –
Chorus extension –
Why are we here if not to colour the sky?
Why are we here if not to colour the sky?
Why are we here if not to colour the sky?
Why are we here if not to colour the sky?
If not to colour the sky?
Why are we here if not to?
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HOME
Temples shake in old empires
Nothing of surprise
Been so long that thunder scored our lives
I stood atop a flaming tower
Ran the stairs and thus
Was out of there jet plane, train, car or bus
The more they raise the heat
The more we push the door
Suitcase full of steam
Never to return
Chorus –
Can I ever go home?
Can I ever go home?
Can I ever go home?
If you’re not there?
Mountains frame the great escape
Valleys lead to trails
Cities buzz behind the golden veil
Inhaling cause for poetry
Exhaling bark in bite
I’ll pour the sting into my guitar tonight
The more you raise the heat
The more I’ll push the door
Suitcase full of dreams
Never to return
Chorus reprise –
I’ve drawn a square around the globe searching every shelf
Making sense of the tapestry of myself
I miss the song amongst the trees that shaped the lad in me
Eucalyptus rhythm and harmony
If I try to leave
Keep me from the door!
Rip the suitcase off of me
Let it smoke and burn
Chorus –
I’m gunna go home
I’m gunna go home
I’m gunna go home
Coz you’re back there
I’m gunna go home
I’m gunna go home
I’m gunna go home
Coz you’re back there
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I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
Don’t want to really air these words
Be seen much or be heard
I prefer to hide or smile
Keep up a stoic appearance awhile
But the vase is cracking up
I’m inside I just can’t keep this up
No one told I’d face these choices
Rolling the dice in a fog of voices
I face the road and the intersection
Worrying about my reinvention
If I’d turned a different way
On the road that turned away forever
There’s not a lack of love
But we can only take so much (only take so much)
Only you and me
Wide awake in the dream
Chorus –
Coz I hate how much it is I love you (love you)
It’s a cage of hope and smoke
I’m blowing through (blowing through)
If I’m not brave enough to say goodbye
I’ll never relearn to fly and die
There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to you
Except the things that I can’t do
Like sleep forever back to back
Without having a heart attack
Put down the phone and look at me
You and I are everything we wanted to be
Look to the sky to reconcile
Oh God this is taking a while
I’m frozen up and melting down
In every city, in every town
There’s nothing wrong as you can see
I’m footloose and flying fancy free
There’s not a lack of love
But we can only take so much (only take so much)
Only you and me
Wide awake in the dream
Chorus reprise–
Chorus extension –
Wide awake in the dream!
Wide awake in the dream!
Wide awake in the dream!
Wide! I’m still
Wide awake in the dream! (love you)
Wide awake in the dream! (blowing through)
Wide awake in the dream!
Wide! I’m still
Love you
Blowing through
Wide! I’m still
Love you
WIDE AWAKE IN THE DREAM network
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Ron D'Argenio and Charlie Richards @ Hoodoo Studio (engineering)
Steve Berson @ Total Sonic Media (mastering)
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Carl Callaway and Mary Koniavitis​ and Molly the Muse (deep encouragements)
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Andrew McUtchen ("writing is work" inspiration & fish bucketing)
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Nelly Phelan (fish bucketing & marketing logistics)
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Scott Harkness and Maasai Andi (Key West tech & logistics)
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Scott Blesener (electric guitar, bass & real-world drum tech)
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Robert Salas (Austin photography & video)
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Glen Crawforth @ Epic Brand (sleeve design)
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John "Denzoid" Molesworth (digital drum tech)
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Mike Harker (weekly liquid-based artistic restoration)
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Gary Morris (Melbourne tech & logistics)
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Gary Foote (real-world guitar appreciation)
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Donnie Dureau and Christopher Keogh and Takis Nahatis and Charly Richardson (songwriting empathy)
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Paul Kristian (“Out they go!” Delbometer services year-in year-out)
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Donna Rutherford (cousinly support)
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Michael Spillane and Nadine Tree Spillanester (deep encouragements)
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Matty Ryan and Julian Senserrick (all levels of Musical Brotherdom)
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Paul Speight and Andy Page and Darren Banks (all levels of Musical Brotherdom)
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Kacey Gorringe and Sammy Angel Lam (all levels of Anti-W2 Brotherdom)
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Chris Moran (photography guidance and acting sparring)
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Joss Rose and Nick Mentillo (Portland tech & logistics)
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Gavann Karissa Skye (soul support and mutual reverence for "creator")
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And so many friends and audiences along the way that have given me the muscle to continue!
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